Saturday, September 11, 2010

You are extremely good looking, smart and have great leadership skills! THANKS!

I like to think about the pros when embarking on something new. I don't like to stress the cons too much if at all, though today I went that route and gratefully there was some intervention. I understand that the cons are valid as a good friend pointed out, but at times just fear and negative thoughts can be mistaken for cons and end up on that list. Exhibit number one (well, the only exhibit): Just as I was starting to think of the "cons" of my possible move to Miami, a particular one that my friend had pointed out to me while I was weighing it out was that many of the guys are unattractive and lack personality while the women are beautiful, therefore making the quest for acquiring a fruitful relationship difficult :/. Immediately after I let that marinate, I read new feedback on Ebay from a seller of a sweater I just purchased who I never interacted with; just paid the bill and never said (typed actually, lol) a word:

"You are extremely good looking, smart and have great leadership skills! THANKS!"

Well, this is not common for feedback in general, and even more so since there was no interaction, the person has never seen me and knows nothing about me. Completely random. Even if the seller only knows how to say this one nice thing in the English language (which it appears just might be the case :p), I feel it was definately God's way of working the Universe to let me know that no matter where I am in the world I am still me and should not let anyone "greater" than me stop me from being my greatest and achieving my goals, happiness and success in both career and LOVE (it is very important to me to have a truly loving, committed "there's no one better than you for me" type of relationship). So yes, the idea of being a "single ugly duckling in a sea of supermodels" was scary for a moment. Even though I am not going there with dating intentions or the expectation of finding love, I am not sure if the mentality down there based on what my friend who lived there offered as a con would affect other aspects of my life and more importantly my confidence. You need confidence where ever you bring yourself in life so that you get something positive and grow. Naturally, I don't want to be anywhere where worth is measured by beauty and realistically this happens (and not happens) somewhere, everywhere. After reading the feedback shortly after that conversation with my friend, I feel I can go there not thinking about how my inability to possibly reach the Miami Beauty Standards will affect my life overall :) That's not why I am going there after all, and those thoughts had never initially crossed my mind. The goal is to make a temporary change in my life that will allow me to learn, grow and share with others and eventually return home a better person that I am today. There is nothing bad that can come out of this, it's all a pro and regardless of whatever obstacles present themselves along the way it will remain a pro as long as I keep my focus on the initial goal.
This story was a "must share" for me because this is not something that always happens when you are starting to feel down and there's no one around to distract you from your thoughts lingering to the "other" things in life. What I have learned is:

  • There's always a something higher than us leading us in a positive direction; God, the Universe, however you view it, will send you a sign to snap you out of any negative information given to you by others or by your own thoughts. That ebay feedback was the friendly reminder.
  • Eliminate the cons on most lists. We truly do have the ability to determine which lists call for a pros AND cons weigh out and which don't; most cons are merely obstacles and obstacles are an inevitable part of life. It's about how we handle them when they do appear that's important. Think about the pros and the goals. The cons will only hold you back from trying something that may bring you to a higher place in life. We already know that there are obstacles wherever we go, no need to dwell on them before they even present themselves, that will get you no where. Keep your focus on the goal in the midst of the obstacles. We can overcome anything.

  • The world is ours to explore and share. Go to new places with the openess to learn and grow. The most important "possession" to bring is your confidence and happiness wherever you go so you can receive the beauty and teachings every new aventure in life can bring.

Friday, September 3, 2010

Always a Light at the Every Tunnel in Life

After over a year of unemployment I recently found a job. I was so grateful because the timing could not be any better; just as my last card was about to be maxed out and all of my monthly bills were to come in, I was offered the position I had been hoping for effective immediately. It is far from my dream job, but for where I am currently living it is the best and most convenient and just the job I need to get back on my feet, reclaim my independence and save so that I can relocate when I find a job that is more suitable for me. A little over a year ago, within a few days, I got a broken heart which I blamed myself for (even for his actions, I know, how irrational of me! :p) and found out that the place I was working at was closing down and I was not eligible for unemployment. I had some money saved, but after a couple of months of searching I could not find a job that could work around my demanding school schedule that I had already registered for. My time was up and I had to make a decision: either give up my place and move back to my parents home far from the life that I built and love or give up school so I was free to take any job and stay. I chose the first which was a difficult decision since, as much as I adore my family and enjoy passing time with them as a visitor, I was just never happy there for several reasons. After 7 years away, I packed my bags and my roommate and I said our tearful goodbyes as I embarked on a new beginning. I felt I owed it to my education and all the work and money I had already invested into it. I titled this chapter of my life “Mysterious New Beginnings”. Unfortunately, as 2009 came to an end and winter deepened, I found myself in a serious depression. I was lonely, felt isolated, rejected (love those broken hearts and how one can start to see themselves through the eyes of someone who doesn’t know them) and could not focus on school. My car had broken down shortly after my move for good which put me more than two hours from my close social network and preventing me from getting myself involved in extra curricular activities out here. I felt as though my freedom, independence and traveling safety were gone. Without the balance of work, socializing, like minded people, dance training and school I began to see my life as a failure. I was no longer rational enough to remember that there would be a light at the end of the tunnel and that I had to put the time alone to productive use. I no longer felt like myself and even when I had the chance to be around people, I did not feel good anymore because I did not even know the girl that took over me. I began to dwell on things that normally would not matter as much to me. Because I was not doing anything that I felt was productive, my self esteem plummeted into the ground. The close of the semester and the arrival of summer made things easier and I saw that I was beginning to heal slowly. When I received notice that I was hired for a job last week, I realized how important work, fulfilling a purpose and making my own money were to me; I am extremely independent. The day before I was supposed to start training I went to the doctor to get test results for a mandatory medical examination. My TB test came back positive. I couldn’t believe my ears, in fact I laughed thinking it was a joke since that doctor says the most outlandish things in general; but that comical little doctor wasn't joking around anymore. I could not start training until I was on medication and further tests were done to make sure that the illness didn’t develop. Since training is done in intervals, I knew that meant I would not be working until October which meant that I did not have a job “just in time”. Surprisingly, this did not phase me much. I was upset for a total of five minutes before I realized that timing was in fact just perfect; the only thing that wasn’t coming just in time was my paycheck. Everything happens for a reason. Had I not been hired I would have never had a TB testing done and I could have developed tuberculosis never knowing that I had to be on medication to kill the germ I had been exposed to. My additional tests came back fine which means I have no worries now of developing tuberculosis or being contagious; I am taken care of. I can still work, I just have to lay low until October training begins and perhaps I am not even meant to work there. So much can happen in a month. The job offer may have came at this time simply so that I could solve a health problem before it started; God and the Universe takes care of us, we just have to have faith. I was not meant to start work there at this time, but I needed to get to the doctor and didn’t know it.

Spiritually, I have been in a bad place for just over a year and I basically lost sight of myself, my spirit and personality. I was still kind and knew my heart and its desires, but I was never happy and it showed. The only time I was positive was when it was to give others encouragement but felt horrible about myself. No matter how good of a person I was, I was not putting out the energy to receive the type of energy I wanted and needed in return. In reviewing my past year, there are a few lessons I have learned here to share:

• Work hard and play even harder; we need to take time to smell the roses, surround ourselves with things that we love, expose ourselves to new things and interact with other people. Even if you think you are happy being a loner, nothing can replace the gift of being out in the world and interacting with and helping others. It’s motivating, empowering, educational and will most likely inspire your work when you return to it. I missed out on much of that this year and plan to never let that happen again. As the song goes, “People who need people are the luckiest people in the world.”

• There is NEVER a black cloud over your head; it’s not an easy thing to believe when one thing after another is happening to you, and that’s okay, we are all human and bound to be down sometimes. What we need to do, though, is remind ourselves as often as we can that there is absolutely nothing bad that can happen to that something good won’t come out of. No hay mal que por bien no venga is a popular saying in Spanish (Gloria Estefan actually wrote a song titled that). It means that there is nothing bad in which good does not come out of. Life won’t hand us one hard ship without giving us something good in exchange, just continue to send out positive energy and good intentions and have faith.

Though personal and therefore not in full detail, I am sharing the outline of my past year because I am sure there are people who are out there that can relate and may feel alone just as I did. I hope that what I have learned from it can help someone feeling this way to feel hope or to prevent it before it happens. Every obstacle does serve a meaningful purpose in life, sometimes it just takes time to see and understand why. I am finally healing and feeling like myself again and I don’t ever want to let “me” go again. I now this is cliché, but no matter how tough things seem, they can always be worse, so we need to try and cherish every moment, every person and most of all ourselves.